Anger, Indifference, Joy

The results came. The college applications. I didn't get into my first two choices. I should have gotten into my first two choices considering the marks I got. But I didn't! I don't know why I didn't, but apparently I wasn't the only one with problems. At least I got into a college, even though it was more of a safety net than an actual choice but still at least I wont have to give the horrid exam another year. A lot of the people who did better than me, who had high hopes of getting into almost anywhere they applied to didn't get in, mostly because of the high hopes they had, they didn't pick a safety net.


At first I was annoyed, no one knows why the results were so mixed up this year, there are a few guesses but none believable enough for me to post them. It seemed so frustrating, I studied for a year, and then this, this mess that no one knows where it originates and no one has any answers.

But then I came to realise that maybe, just maybe staying in my own home town with my loving family might not be such a bad idea, that when the indifferent feeling started, I would have loved to go but it seemed great to stay so I didn't really care about the results, it seemed like a win-win situation, suddenly it didn't matter who or what had caused the mess, all that mattered was that my own town, Yazd, actually has one of the best architecture universities in the country.

My cousin got into the best college in Iran, he left last night to go to Tehran, that's when the joy arrived. Not because he left, I will miss him with all my heart, he is like a brother to me and I cant imagine not being able to visit him whenever I want to. No, it wasn't cause hes gone, it was cause I stayed, cause I realised when he left how much I was gonna miss him and I also realised how much more pain I would have had to endure had I left. For the pain of missing one of my best friends, my brother if you might say is nothing compared to the pain of missing my parents.

That's when I believed something everyone was always telling me. That God has a plan for all of us, and if something, then maybe, just maybe, there is a silver lining, maybe its all for the best or as Albus Dumbledore would say : Its for the Greater Good!

Have you ever had a stupid fear?

So stupid and irrational that you were afraid to admit it? I have. The Germans. I am well aware of exactly how racist that sounds buts it started after watching 'Dirty Dozen' when I was 7.
'Dirty Dozen' is a movie about how they forced 12 prisoners to take part in WWII, and how in the end 11 of them were slaughtered by the Nazis.
We had only just moved to England when I watched this so I didn't understand most of what they were saying. All I remember is that one of the convicts introduced himself as Aladdin. Now when your 7 you don't really know the difference between a Nazi and a German so that's when my fear started.
I cried myself to sleep for more than a week after that and then I stopped watching all the German channels on satellite TV. Even the music ones I used to love. I was terrified. I hated them.

Imagine my shock when I heard my dad planning a trip to Europe when I was 12. He mentioned Germany and I lost it. I started crying and begging for us not to go there, I was so sure we would not come out of it alive.
No one listened to my prayers and so we left to spend a couple of days in Frankfurt. I was so scared I kept expecting all those people in the streets to take guns out of their bags and start shooting. I was 12. The old woman seemed to be reaching for something in her bag, or maybe the little girl who is looking through her school bag, are they all looking for something to kill me with?
They weren't. None of them were, they were normal people but I just couldn't help being scared. It was when we went to the hotel that I finally realized how stupid I had been so far.

There was a picture of a cow, a normal looking cow on our wall and as soon as my 4 year old sister saw that she started crying and screaming and begging us to take it down. I couldn't understand why. It was then as I was telling her how stupid she was for being scared of a cow that I realised I have no right to tell her off. I was just as stupid as she was. It was then I realised the power and impact Hollywood and the movies overall have on people.
And it was only then that I managed to enjoy the rest of my trip. Thanks to the cow, whose picture we eventually took down cause my sister couldn't sleep.
And even though I know how silly it is and I no longer refrain from watching German channels, there's still a part of me that feels afraid when Germany is mentioned, but I'm working on it.

The reason I brought this up and finally admitted it to someone other than my parents is because there's a lot of people who have some sort of fear towards my country, Iran, because of some of the things they may have seen or heard. Some things that may or may not have been mistranslated or misunderstood.
All I'm asking for is that every time you think that someone has a right to drop a bomb on me and my family and all the other people without guns in their handbags, just try and remember the picture of the cow, the helpless cow, and just how irrational your fears may be.

This is a cry for help.

I suppose the first question would be : Why?

Lets start by answering that. Why should anyone need to cry for help? Because we are all human. Lets take me for instance. I'm not lonely, depressed, crazy, poor or heart-broken. I don't have abusive parents or any sort of emotional problems, but I do have a soul. And my soul needs someone to talk to.
Sometimes, as I am sure we've all experienced, we need a place for our thoughts besides the small prison cell where we keep them locked up in our heads.
Sometimes conversations are over before you've said all you have to say, so this is in fact a written report of what goes on in my head once my mouth is closed.
After all, when we look back, our thoughts and memories are mostly all that's left of yesterday.

The name of the blog, which might be the subject of the second question, is the name of a song by 'The Bangles'. The only song Ive heard of the group.
2 months ago I sat what would probably be the most important exam of my life. A nationwide exam given by 311'000 people, that would determine what college I go to. Seeing as I live in Iran, what college I go to pretty much determines the whole course of my life. All through this 4 hour exam my mind kept singing this song that I had heard only once a couple of months before.
While I'm sitting there trying to solve the Math problems, or figure out an answer for the Physics and Chemistry questions, my mind kept singing:

'Its just another Manic Monday

I wish it was Sunday

Cause Sunday is my fun day

My I don't have to run day

Its just another Manic Monday'

I also went through an episode of 'Friends' in my mind as well, it was a conversation between the boys, Joey and Chandler I think but I don't remember what it was exactly so if you have any suggestions as to what it might have been, Ill be eternally grateful.:D

(If your curious as to what the results of the exam turned out to be, I came 599, and I applied for Architecture at a few good colleges and I'm hopeful Ill get in!)

That's it for now, its turned out to be a long post, if there were any typing mistakes forgive me, my keyboard has been acting weird for quite a while now. Ive already planned and written down half a dozen other posts in my head so stay tuned Ill be posting them very soon.